


One Last Wish (Or Maybe Two)

by Hhanaa



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Needs A Hug, Huening Kai Needs a Hug, Huening Kai-Centric, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, OT5-Centric, Single Parent Jeon Jungkook, Temporary Character Death, Whipped Choi Yeonjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26138986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hhanaa/pseuds/Hhanaa
Summary: It was 5 minutes until his 17th birthday, and he should've been home, gushing over the name of his soulmate finally being printed into his wrist, and being bombarded with texts from the boys, crying about how fast their maknae was growing up, but instead, he stood on the ledge of a building, seconds away from throwing himself over. Even after everything that happened, he knew this was the only way to make up for his biggest mistake.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 22
Kudos: 151





	One Last Wish (Or Maybe Two)

5 minutes. In 5 minutes he would turn 17 years old. The age in which the biggest dreams for most people came true. He would finally receive his soulmate's name, finally start searching for career paths that would decide his future, and finally be able to see Beomgyu, and Taehyn graduate together. In 5 minutes, he was supposed to wake up bombarded with texts from the boys, crying about how their little maknae was all grown up, and that he wasn’t allowed to do just that from then on.  
Instead, he was standing on top of the long since abandoned building they used to frequent as kids, just a moment away from plummeting 12 stories to his death. A death in which he deserved every last bit of. He tried scrubbing the tears from his face as he stepped upon the crumbling ledge, but to no avail, they kept streaming down even despite his protest. Swaying slightly as the wind tugged him forward, he clutched the same picture that he had held close to his heart for those 9 devastating months. Not a day went by that he didn’t peer at the photo that brought back all those troublesome memories that left him gasping for air, the sunshine boy who once shone encased in a cloud of guilt ridden anxiety that clung to his very being every waking moment.

When he slept, he saw his eyes. The lifeless, dull brown that eerily stared into his soul, almost asking if he had done it on purpose, that maybe the gruesome scene that plagued his mind whenever sleep won it’s internal battle against him was for shits and giggles. He always woke up in a cold sweat, fearing the very worst only to remember that the very worst had actually been his reality the whole time.

But compared to Yeonjun, he was far better off.

Imagine having to watch your soulmate die right in front of your eyes, only able to call helplessly for him to stay awake knowing full well that the blood rushing into his throat, dripping from the sides of his mouth and gathering in the rest of the warm liquid under his head would be his last memory. Perhaps it was the morbid curiosity that left his mind scarred, but if he could turn back that day, he wondered what would’ve happened if it had been him instead of Soobin. He should’ve listened to Taehyun when he said to stop running into the streets before looking both ways, if only he had been more cautious. If only he hadn’t run after a stray dog.

Hueningkai knew that what happened was just a horrific accident that couldn’t have been stopped or changed in any way as much as he wished and dreamed. But that never stopped him from trying. Any moment he had alone, which nowadays was often, he wished upon any star he could, any planet, even clouds if he was desperate that day, and although he knew that his wishes would never be heard, he had to try and make up for what he had destroyed.

It wasn’t only his life that had crumbled with the death of Soobin. No, it was Yeonjun’s, and Taehyun’s, and Beomgyu’s. He had not only murdered his closest friend, but simultaneously shattered every last ounce of trust, hope and innocence that group held. He was only to blame, and for that, he understood why they fell apart.

A particular gust of wind blew passed, making him stumble slightly, heart thumping loudly in his ears as he tried to steady himself against the breeze. He had to send one last message to their shared group chat. The last message had been the morning of the incident, Soobin had asked Kai to bring drinks, emphasizing that grape juice and only grape juice was NOT allowed. That was the last day he had drinken said beverage, not being able to stomach it since. It felt disrespectful in a way, to leave the group chat with his message instead of Soobin, once another thing he would take away from his dearest best friend. But it was okay, he would finally pay for the burden he had brought upon them all.

At least this way, Yeonjun would have some solace in knowing his soulmate’s murderer was dead, unable to cause more trouble, or leaving classes empty so Taehyun would be able to sit comfortably, without having to worry Kai would walk through those doors, metaphorical blood still tainting his hands. Maybe Beomgyu could transfer back into their school, after all, he did leave Taehyun, his own soulmate, alone to fend for himself. Though, he knew anything was better than having to watch Taehyun glare at him with disgust for just breathing. He deserved it all, and yet, it still hurt.

What hurt the most was knowing what he had done whenever Yeonjun would look at him, the eldest bursting into tears like he had never left that day, and truthfully, he hadn’t. The moment Soobin died, so did Yeonjun, except he was still trapped in that shell that looked and talked like who he had once been. He hadn’t seen the widowed soulmate since Taehyun had yelled at him to leave them all alone, another piece of his heart shattering as Beomgyu continued to stare at the ground, arm clutching around himself protectively as if confirming his presence was unwanted, unsafe. 

That had also been the last day Beomgyu looked him in the eye too.

It was fine though, it was all fine.

11:59 PM - [Hueningie !! >3<]

“I know none of you want to hear from me again,  
I know none of you can forgive me for what I  
have done, and I promise this will be the last  
the last time you have to. I know that even  
these words were more than he had, and  
every moment, I wish it had been me instead,  
like it was supposed to be.

Sometimes I can hear his voice in my  
head telling me that it was an accident,  
sometimes I see him in my dreams, telling me  
I’m not to blame, but I can never believe him.  
A part of me wants to make up for all those  
days I spent trying to forget him, forget you all,  
forget myself, and it all made me feel worse.  
Selfish is the only word I can use to describe  
what I’m about to do, even after saving me, I  
know this will just be easier on us all.

I miss hyungie so much. I miss him so much  
and I don’t deserve to. 

I know this won’t take away the pain I have  
caused for the last 9 months, I know this  
won’t bring him back, but I can still try. I’m so  
sorry for taking him away from you, Yeonjun  
hyung. I’m so sorry for forcing you to deal with  
me,Taehyunie. And I’m so sorry for taking it  
out on you when you tried to help, Beomie.  
hope that this brings some peace of mind.

I hope that in our next lives, I’ll be smarter.I  
promise to sacrifice myself next time  
instead. 

My last birthday wish is just for him to be  
back. 

I love you, and I’m sorry.”

The sun ray peeking from between the slightly agape curtains that Taehyun so desperately needed to adjust roused him from his deep sleep. Something that came rarely these days. Nevertheless, he swung his legs over the side of his bed and stood with a long stretch, body popping in multiple places that left his stiff muscles satisfied for now. He slowly trudged his way through his usual morning routine; washing his face, brushing his teeth, and laying his uniform out on his bed until after breakfast. Sometimes he beat himself up for choosing summer classes instead of skipping them this time around, but he knew keeping himself busy was the only choice he had of staying sane.  
Deciding on his usual choice of generic cereal, he lazily grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and placed it down next to the half full pitcher of milk. Just as he was about to sit down, his dad walked into the kitchen, tightening a tie around his neck. He looked surprised to see him, but grateful nonetheless as Taehyun waves to him, mouth full of bland cornflakes.

“Where are you going dressed all fancy? You don’t work on Friday’s.” Taehyun asks, catching from the corner of his eye as his dad sneaks one of his banana milks from the fridge into his dress pant pockets. Typical of his father, by now he should know just to buy the milk in bulk.

“The Kim’s are visiting their son’s grave today, and asked if we wanted to attend. The Park’s are coming too, but Yeonjun is staying home this time around. I told them you had school so don’t worry, they understood immediately.” Jungkook had said gently, placing an apple next to Taehyun’s bowl as he watched his son stare at the milk pitcher.

“You can say his name, dad.” Taehyun mumbled, expecting another full blown explanation on how it was okay to let the grieving process take it’s course, and to not push recovery too quickly. But instead, his father offered only a simple answer, one that left him slightly stunned.

“I know.” He smiled and sat across from him.

“Talking about the Kim’s,” Jungkook had paused, a knowing look flashing over his face leaving Taehyun a little flustered. This wasn’t about the Kim’s, and he knew the next question that was about to come.

“Have you talked to Beomgyu recently? Hoseok, and Yoongi haven’t seen you around much, they’re starting to get worried.” Another inevitable topic that he had to face eventually, but right now wasn’t the time. Not after the last thing he had said to Beomgyu.

“No, we’re just, taking a break.” Another spoonful of cornflakes and Jungkook caught the sign that his baby’s soulmate wasn’t up for discussion. Okay, that’s completely fine. By the look in Taehyun’s eyes, he was dealing with it in his own special way, and Jungkook would just have to respect it.

“Well, unless what I told the Kim’s was a lie, you’re gonna be late if you don’t start getting dressed now.” Jungkook began, but half way through his sentence Taehyun was already halfway to the sink with soggy cornflakes haphazardly thrown down the drain and metal spoon clinking carelessly against the ceramic bowl.

“Don’t worry, I’ll wash the dishes, you just get going.” The man said amused, watching his son sprint across the kitchen and up the stairs to his room in mere seconds. It was the most lively he had seen him in months, maybe recovery really would come sooner than later.

It took all of 10 minutes for him to be dead sprinting down his neighborhood street, deciding that showing up breathless and exhausted at the bus stop was far better than walking the 10 miles to his school and still ending up late. Oddly, as he ran, the day felt… warm. It was almost like the weight of worry he carried on his shoulders for 9 whole months had disappeared in the night, leaving him without fog in his head and fresh air in his lungs. The day felt good… and yet, he had started it off by making one small mistake after another.

Taehyun let out a relieved groan as he slumped against the bus seat, thankful that he had managed to grab at least useful thing in his quick dash, neglecting his phone in favor for his transportation card so he wouldn’t have to pay an additional fee on top of his airheadedness today. So a few hours without music, social media and mobile games, whatever, he could practice for the test in 1st period and figure out how to entertain himself for the rest of the day.

If Yeonjun had a choice, he would’ve died with Soobin that day. If he had a choice, he would’ve already been dead and resting peacefully instead of having to stare at the taunting red name that marked itself permanently into his wrist. He had tried to scratch it out at one point, burn it, cut it out but every single time, he watched the red letters appear on his scarred skin once more, reaffirming its existence he tried so desperately to ignore. If he had a choice, he would lay in his bed forever, mourning the loss of bunny teeth and dimples for as long as he could until he body finally gave up.

Instead, his appa would wake him up every morning by carding his fingers gently through his hair, and singing him through his sleepy haze until he was able to roll over and look at him. This was always followed by joyful eyes and a soft smile, the morning report of breakfast be told to him, knowing full well his dad would probably burn at least one item in the kitchen.

The way his appa would scorn his dad with an angry ‘Park Taehyung!’ cemented itself into his mind, always managing to pull just a slightly amused expression on his lips, only for it to fall as quickly as it came. His dad greeted him with his big square grin anyway, knowing that even just the little tug on the corners of his mouth was progress.

Today though, no fingers were tangled in his hair, no sweet humming could be heard, not even a clatter of falling pans from the kitchen. He knew where his parents were, they always informed him on where they were going for the day, but never when visiting Soobin’s grave. Normally, these days would start with him in bed, and end with him in bed, but something had urged him up, forcing him to leave the comfort of his safe space and into the bathroom where he, for the first time in months, looked at himself for more than a few seconds.

His hair had grown too long, just stopping right under his ears, leaving the bleached blond of his hair resembling highlights more than a full head of dyed hair like it used to be. Soobin liked it blonde. Before long, his gaze had turned from his appearance to the large band aid that covered the underside of his wrist. His wounds had healed a few weeks ago, but he replaced the bandage every other day so he wouldn’t have to see what was hidden underneath.  
Yeonjun let out a sigh, letting his shoulders slump down but looking back towards his reflection. One day. He can do one day outside. After all, it seemed like the weather had picked one mood, he was in desperate need for some sunshine. Just one day, a few hours, and a box of bleach and he wouldn’t need to venture out for another month.

“Okay, I got this.” He whispered to himself, before snatching a pair of scissors from his drawer and snipping away at his hair until he could get it back into a similar style it had been in before. The whole time, he powered through his own intrusive thoughts, humming the same melody his appa would wake him up with. One day.

Beomgyu had been up since sunrise, tending to Toto, making breakfast for his parents and cleaning his room. All around, he had been making sure that not even a moment of his time was spent doing nothing. You could say he was running from something, he would say he’s just busy. Busying himself on a day that used to be significant to not only the group of boys he was excited to spend his life with, but to their surrounding families. Now, it seemed like no one had realized except him. He couldn’t really blame anyone though. With a death still as fresh as yesterday, to the group falling out in which Taehyun had finally broken down and snapped at them all, the idea of a birthday for someone who had managed to split the world apart for so many people really wasn't the main priority.

Truthfully, he had stopped blaming Kai long ago. He knew deep down it was all of their faults, it just seemed easier for them to conclude that the youngest could’ve stopped it all if he hadn’t gotten distracted. He always felt horrible whenever he thought about the boy. It was cruel the way they all left him like that, but what could Beomgyu have done anyway? It broke his heart to see Kai’s face fall, the quiver of his lip as Taehyun shouted curse after curse at him. If only he knew. If only Taehyun had reasoned with him afterwards. Instead, he shut himself away.

Beomgyu knew that he wasn’t the only one being eaten up inside by the guilt, but when Taehyun was ready to come to terms with it, he wasn’t sure. Yeonjun on the other hand, he not once raised his voice at the youngest, even after Soobin’s funeral, all he managed to do was cry against his soulmate’s dad, sobbing heavily as Seokjin cried quieter against him, Namjoon rubbing Yeonjun’s back in a rare moment of weakness. The Kim’s, a family of great nobility and importance, left shattered with nothing but the memory of their lost son.

Beomgyu exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized never came out, and made his way to the bathroom, a well deserved shower on his mind. He had settled with the fact Taehyun wasn’t bending when he said Beomgyu needed to move on, soulmates or not, he really did have to move somehow. If ‘moving on’ meant from Soobin’s untimely death or the loss of the love he had shared years with, he wasn’t sure. Even Hueningkai and his puppy dog eyes. Maybe moving on meant from his past life.

When that would be, he wasn’t sure, he just knew that today… wouldn’t be that day.

He turned on the shower, feeling the water's temperature until it was at an acceptable heat to mend the soreness of his bones. It was odd, as hard as he’s ever worked in his, he had never felt as sore as he did today; it was like he had carried 10 tons during the night, and ran a whole marathon without a break. The steam drifting from the hot current was an exciting promise as Beomgyu tugged his shirt over his head, tangling the long sleeves in the process of escaping from it’s grasp.

Usually, he tended to skip over Taehyun’s name, choosing to save himself the heartache for the moment and move on with whatever he was doing, but something had caught his eye. Something that made his blood run cold.

Right under Taehyun’s name, in dark crimson letters read the name of the boy who he used to tease relentlessly. The boy who Taehyun and Beomgyu always kept in mind whenever making plans or buying gifts and snacks. The boy who practically clung to them both even as children.

Kai Kamal Huening was his soulmate. And he was dead.

“No no no no,” Beomgyu trailed panickedly, throwing his shirt back on and bolting for his room, uncaring of the noise he was making, or the water he left running in the shower. Right now, he had to confirm one thing. Kai wouldn’t have done something like this. Not him, never him.

With shaky hands, Beomgyu powered on his phone, staring at the screen every moment that passed by. It was like time slowed as the device was brung back to life, and for a split second he was relieved when notifications hadn’t popped up immediately. His relief was short-lived of course when Hueningkai’s name popped up in their old chatroom. His suicide note to them still left unread by the two others.

How he hadn’t managed to breakdown was a surprise to him, but trembling hands made it hard for him to dial Taehyun’s number and tie his shoes. One unanswered call after another, Beomgyu was already out the door and sprinting his way towards the school he used to go to with Kai and Taehyun.

Even as tears blurred his vision, and anxiety filtered it’s way through his body, converting in a mix of adrenaline and fear, he ran faster than he had ever. Soulmate marks never made mistakes, but maybe, this one time, it had. All he knew was that Taehyun would hold the answer to a question that he wouldn’t be able to cope with if it were true. 

Was Kai really dead?

The walk from the apartment building he lived in wasn’t far from the nearest convenient store, Yeonjun was grateful for that at least. He really hadn’t been outside in a good 4 months, so the warm was nice on his skin but the fresh air was rough on his lungs.  
Grimacing at his reflection in store windows as he passed by, he realized that his muscle had faded away slightly, leaving him looking a little more frail than he did just a year ago. He had to do weight training again, he thought dejectedly, but deciding that that could definitely wait until he had his bleach and maybe some food in his stomach. As much as moving like nothing had happened hurt him, he had to understand that at some point, he had to live like Soobin was right next to him, Soobin would never have wanted him to waste his life crying night after night over him. Eventually, the world would feel a little less lonely.

“14,000 won, please.”

“... sir?”

“Oh, what? Sorry, how much again?”

“14,000 won.”

Yeonjun nodded, placing his card against the reader and distractedly taking the plastic bag from the cashier, walking out of the store while staring thoughtfully in front of him. A boy had jumped off of a building early this morning, the strangest thing was that it was off of the building he used to play at when he was younger. Most people didn’t even know that building was abandoned to begin with, the news could’ve disclosed a location nearby though, sometimes they would change the location out of respect for the surrounding businesses. Still though.

Yeonjun really hadn’t been paying attention, wondering why that seemed so significant to him, normally things like that would cross his mind and out the next moment but a hint of knowing left a small bubble of terror build in his chest. He hadn’t even noticed the tall man standing just before him, crashing into each other and falling to the ground with a thud. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” Yeonjun winced, rubbing his lower back at the ache in his butt when he glanced at the stranger he had practically tackled.

Every hair on his body stood up at the sight of familiar warm eyes, full of life, dazzling like the day they had met. Those heart shaped lips he had spent hours kissing in secret before they had come out as a couple, and even after when he was finally able to declare his love for him so openly.

Kim Soobin sat right in front of him. Alive. Breathing.

Taehyun was grateful everyday that the economy he lived in thrived off of transportation of all sorts, but he was close to pulling his hair out by this point. If the constant droning of toddlers throwing tantrums and the elderly talking far too loudly wasn’t enough to drive him insane in the half hour ride to school, surely was the dreadful squeaking of the breaks whenever the bus would make a stop.

Next time, he’ll just ask his dad to drive him to school, it would spare him the splitting headache he achieved. Today just wasn’t his day, he was ready to start home the moment the bus had pulled away, and especially after the bag strap on his left shoulder had come undone, tossing school supply he owned onto the sidewalk. He was being punished by some cruel power above, he thought to himself, shoving everything he could in his bag so he could catch his seat just before the bell rung.

What he had noticed was the pounding of shoes against pavement rapidly getting closer. It alerted him almost instantly, head snapping up to see the last person he wasn expecting today, Jung Beomgyu. He wasn’t ready to fight today. Not today.

“Beomgyu,” Taehyun started, exasperatedly.

“I’m not in the mood to--”

“Give me your wrist.” Beomgyu nearly yelled, the alarm in his voice knocking all the dismissal off his tongue. Hesitantly, he made his way up, not even given a minute to adjust himself when Beomgyu had snatched his left arm and pulled up his sleeve.

“Ah! Jesus, Beomgyu-” Taehyun bit out, only to be silenced by the look of horror that drifted over his face. Quickly, he looked down at his own wrist that showed what had frightened Beomgyu so much.

Kai’s name was printed into his own wrist, a deep red.

His stomach dropped as he looked up as a silent Beomgyu, tears clinging to his lashes and desperation running wild in his eyes. He couldn’t believe it, even when he glanced at Beomgyu wrist, the same name and color crossed right under his own. 

Kai was their soulmate, and he really was dead.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda ended this in the hopes of making the real ending so if you want me to continue this, please comment. Or really, any comments are appreciated, thank you for reading!


End file.
